turn my brain off please

it's not stopping
it's not even slowing down
not even a little bit...

there are a few too many things to process right now...
but no more then i handled in the past,
so why is it getting to me so extremely now?

it's messed up and not right...
but i like that i am an hour away from some the issues.
its not that i want to be away from it,
but i can't lie and say it doesn't make it a little bit easier.

thats terrible. and i know it.

i am lacking a sense of security lately.
almost every night as i am laying down to sleep...
i cry. for at least 15 minutes...
even when someone else is there
i feel insecure and maybe a little scared?

i don't get it. at all.
i am happy.

mom thinks its because i feel
a lack of security.
who knows.
she may be right...
she usually is.