and so it seems

another day at work is getting near the end... thankfully...
it has been a dreadfully long day...
the gym is calling my name
and then sweet bike rides and park adventures are too be had....

...we'll see if they actually happen...

thoughts borderline scrambled
trying not to think
shutting it out
putting them aside
they always creep back up

confusion is begining to return to me
and its the last thing i want
don't over think- over analyze
go with the flow
roll with the punches

i'm trying... give me that.
some credit is deserved.

and so another day....

and this day brings another blog...
nonsensical-ness guarenteed.

working- as i always am when i am writing blogs....
its great to get paid to do nothing...
actually i don't agree with that at all,
i would much rather be doing actual work...

in fact i kinda am, while i do this too..
i have been searching myspace profiles of our demographic,
seeing what songs they are listening to...

so our demographic is women 18-35.
i have never been so depressed or let down in my life...
these girls profiles are so sad, their pictures are all
half naked, or extremely provocative.
their profiles are covered in glittery hearts, and i love him stuff,
(not that i can say much there- i am guilty of that too...kinda)
or things saying how they love their haters, and how to not be jealous...
very conceeded profiles to say the least.
it makes me sad, because i really would like to be able to expect more
from the female population, i would like to see some interesting
things, about their art, or their writing, that they are inspired
by the world, books, music, etc.
instead these girls seem content on just being tits and ass.
and that really is too bad...

kinda bugs me out...

Birdo....is a boy?

Birdo.
From Super Mario Brothers 2, and many other mario games, is in fact a boy.
i always assumed Birdo was a girl, with the pinkness, the eyelashes, and the huge bow...
i stand corrected now...

it is said on wikipedia that Birdo is in fact a male transvestite.
this is quite possibly the coolest thing i have learned in a long time.
i am beyond stoked about it....
apparently in the original manual for Super Mario Brothers 2...
Birdo is described as a male who believes he is female...
and would like to be called Birdetta....

am i alone in thinking this is beyond cool?

go Birdo!

you're like the sun....

....chasing all of the rain away, when you come around you bring brighter days....

feeling cheesetastic

two blogs, one day

making up for the lack of one yesterday

living by the moments

the ones that fill my heart

making decisions based on what feel

no logic, no analyzing

it feels surprisingly good

hard to believe that the over thinker

has pretty much stopped thinking

it feels like i have started living...

once i gave up the thinking

my brain has always been my worst enemy

and i have put it in its place... kind of...

its amazing to blog about happy things

to not be crying, or depressed every time i write

to be inspired again...by beauty

not hate and anger

to feel genuinely happy

for my smiles to be real and not forced

i welcome this change....

with open arms...

all day...

all i have wanted, was to post a damn blog- thank god i finally have a chance to.
they are becoming critical for my health... lol.
heaven forbid i actually work while i am at work.

everyday is a little better then the one before...
smiles are getting bigger
confidence is growing
happiness is actually a part of me again
and its something i haven't felt for ages
something i forgot about.
i am the happiest i have been since my grandma died
and i am crediting 95% of it to him.

and people will judge that-
saying i shouldn't need a boy to make me happy...
and what not.
the truth is i don't need a boy to make me happy...
i just needed someone to make me smile
make me laugh
make me breath easier
to make me live
and it just so happens that the person i needed
came in the form of an amazing boy...
and whose gonna argue with that?

its beyond words the way i feel
which says how true and real it really is...
and i wish i could share it with the entire world
i wish i could stand on a roof and scream my heart out
but everytime i try to describe it
try to put words to it
they never come out right
in fact this is probably a huge nonsensical mess

but i am kinda a huge nonsensical mess
so i guess it fits...
:)

glowing....really??

i am at work...
and our DHL guy just told me that i am glowing...
so apparently my guy is doing something right
because i am happy...

i have a huge smile on my face now...
and i think my cheeks might be a little red...

he is doing something right...
because i really am happy...



...want to vanish inside your kiss...

Unsent

some things have dawned on me as of late...
some things that i am not to pleased with...

i realized a couple days ago, that some of the company i keep may not
really truly honestly care about me the way that i would hope they do...

i pride myself on being a very open and accepting person. There is pretty much nothing that shocks me... but i have come to realize that there are people in my life, who
A. don't respect that part of me enough to not say/do things around me
and B. who would probably stop talking to me if they knew a couple things....
simply because they don't understand it, and they wouldn't care that i was happy, or anything, they would just see these couple things, and nothing more.

that makes me really sad.

starting to wonder what i really have in common with some people.

i have found something/someone who makes me super happy...
happier then i have been in years... for sure the happiest i have been since my grandma died...
and yes he takes up a lot of my time... but to me its time well spent.
and yet i find myself begining to resent people in my life, because they seem so focused on the fact that they feel they don't see me enough that they are completely missing the fact that i am happy. which is what should matter...

if the tables were turned, i would probably feel a little the same way, but ultimately would just be stoked that they were happy....

i just think maybe backing off and seeing things for how they really are could do some good...

never knew...

...i could feel like this....

...like i've never seen the sky before...

...want to vanish, inside your kiss...

...everyday i love you more, and more...

living on cloud nine today, and it is a pleasant spot to be.

i am still in shock of things that have been said.

and i am in shock of the amazingness i feel....

renewed faith

its wonderful.

i have loved him pretty much since we first met.

i knew there was just something about him

and i am glad he is feeling it too.

i haven't been here, in this place

in like 5 years, and i welcome it

with open arms.

...suddenly the world seems such a perfect place...

...suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace...

...suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste...

...it all revolves around you...

sweetest thing

faith has been restored....
my duck answered some questions....
and put faith back in my heart. :)

funny how you can be so ready to give up
to turn away and run
the complete opposite direction...
and then one little thread makes you hold on...
one tiny string of hope...
it's not much to grab
but just enough to keep you hanging on..

...i think i'm falling for you...

needless to say
my day shall be amazing...
it's already been made by 5 little words...

fyi

...i already fell for you...

ducks ducks and more ducks

if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and looks like a duck, then its a duck...

....right?...

so tell me... why must we run in these circles?

...i'm dizzy...

i just want us to stop, and sit.

everyday adventures, and everything in between add up...
add up to sooooo much more then friendship....

...so when will it be enough?...

...when will you stop being scared?...