tough girl

always.
i'm always trying to be the tough one.
brush it off, pretend to be fine

always taking care of everyone else.
pushing and pushing everything i feel down inside...

and then i have days like today-
where it feels like its boiling over...
tears flow and i don't know why...

i've decided its because i try so hard to...
take care of people....
and make people believe i am strong

but the reality is, that i need someone to take care of me too.

i'm not as strong as i pretend to be.

and deep down inside, i am still just a girl.

i pride myself on not being like every other girl out there...
but the fact is that i still am in a lot of ways.
i still want kisses on my forehead (because they are the sweetest)
and i still want someone to hold my hand,
to cuddle me at night (especially when i'm sad)
and make me feel special.

and its not that i don't ever feel that way... because sometimes i really do.
i guess i just wish i felt it more often.

and especially now, because i am having a hard time...
these things seem even more important...
and maybe its just because i would do them for someone...
and maybe there is the problem...
expecting what i would do. when i know that thats not how everyone is

maybe i do just expect too much.
and maybe it is ok to ask for these things...
even if they are so ten times sweeter when they are given without asking...

who knows.
i feel like a little bit of a mess right now.

:/ bleh.